Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Homophones, or Today's High Schooler

After only two years of teaching high school English, I've already come across many funny, while also troubling, pollutions of our language. Here are some of the best. I have included my comments that I made on these papers.

7. "I imagine this song at Frankenstein and Elizabeth's wedding, when they say their vowels." -- Would this wedding march be E-I-E-I-O?
6. Basketball quart -- Is this like miniature golf?
5. We were so relieved when mourning came -- You liked your aunt that much?
4. My mom gave birth to an 85 pound baby boy -- Send your mom my concerns, and
a decimal point.
3. (Title) "My Mane Name" -- Teaching proofreading is like beating a dead horse.
2. Odysseus is the Hero of the Trojan Whore -- And you spelled Odysseus correctly?
1. After tests, the doctor told me I was amoebac -- It must be tough going to
high school with only one cell.
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Water People

I've never waited a table. You wouldn't want me to. But I imagine that waiters have their own lingo and codes. My boyfriend and I were on the receiving end of what could only be the unfavorable type of customer at an expensive restaurant, the--we'll just be having water customer. It's not that one meal at M&S was out of our league, especially since it was lunch. It wasn't that soup and salad was all we could afford. If anything, the waiter could have had a bigger tip because we weren't spending as much as we're used to on dining out. Needless to say after being ignored--Nobel Prize winner Weisel says indifference is worse than being treated with anger--and complimentary bread deprived, we did not leave a tip.

So here it is now--if people order water on a Saturday afternoon it might just be because they're hung over and saving room for a friend's pasta bolognese later.