Saturday, June 21, 2008

A More Inconvenient Truth: Celebrities are the Biggest Polluters

Every time I shower I want to punch Cameron Diaz. "Ladies you can help save the environment by turning the water off while you shave your legs." Really Cameron, I should take a shower without water? Okay maybe it was Renee or Penelope or...who cares?

Celebrities who own and energize houses with square footage of small countries, lapping in the luxury of their lake size swimming pools that require more water and energy than Baltimore uses in a year, need to shut their Botox enhanced faces. The small pleasure peons like me can have in life is running water for the ten minutes we have to shower before heading off to our thankless, payless, and real jobs.

By the way Al Gore, I hear you use 20% more energy than the average American. Thanks for making America cry over seeing polar bears treading water because their glacier homes are melting. Thanks for turning your environmental profit into a materialistic surplus for your burgeoning waistline.

I'm going to shave my legs now, maybe for fifteen minutes this time.
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Water People

I've never waited a table. You wouldn't want me to. But I imagine that waiters have their own lingo and codes. My boyfriend and I were on the receiving end of what could only be the unfavorable type of customer at an expensive restaurant, the--we'll just be having water customer. It's not that one meal at M&S was out of our league, especially since it was lunch. It wasn't that soup and salad was all we could afford. If anything, the waiter could have had a bigger tip because we weren't spending as much as we're used to on dining out. Needless to say after being ignored--Nobel Prize winner Weisel says indifference is worse than being treated with anger--and complimentary bread deprived, we did not leave a tip.

So here it is now--if people order water on a Saturday afternoon it might just be because they're hung over and saving room for a friend's pasta bolognese later.